grandma shit on top of the toilet
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
