Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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