I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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