i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
