Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you never un-have a 4some
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
