just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
