This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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