i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
