wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize