Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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