i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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