i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
