So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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