Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
