Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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