Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
