They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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