You just made me feel so damn special
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
