did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
