Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
