I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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