Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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