Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
