8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
