found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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