No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
