maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
