I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
