Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
