Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
