I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
