Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
