i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize