god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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