i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
