for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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