I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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