today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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