He uses pillows to masturbate.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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