someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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