you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
