Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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