Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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