hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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