The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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