He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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