Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
my liver is dry heaving
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
