Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
