Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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