if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
