I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
