I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
