from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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