I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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