Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
