i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize