I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
