i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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