I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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