Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
