She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
